I'll be 22 tomorrow.
yay.
mixed feeling about it, and i cant really be bothered to analyze it here on my blog today.
maybe another day.

i got a list of things i wish i can get for my birthday, but unfortunately, i'm financially strapped and it's not quite that possible. so it shall be like all the other birthdays before, and nothing shall be splurged on. when i said i'm coming back to collect birthday presents to my mum, all she had to say was "yeah right, and you owe me 20 over years of it". so since my only mother thinks that way, i'll shut up and not ask for anything. oh btw, my mother in law has already given me my birthday present so i guess she finds me more important and she does.

anyway, here's the list.
not expecting anything, only posting because it's a habit that i've had since i started blogging.

macbook / macbook pro - for studying

camera - just for the sake of it, because i've wanted it since 2 years ago but never got a chance to get it

wallet - with lots and lots of card space, cos my current one is exploding

new underwear - cos since coming off the pill, my boobs have officially shrank to be smaller than before. maybe i will get this for myself after all.

some cash to help pay my uni tuition fees - this my baby will probably provide me with... thank goodness for him :)

lots of singaporean junk food - will stuff my face silly beginning sunday morning! woo-hoo!

can't think of much of anything else material right now.
lots of other wants actually, but nothing money can buy.
you know you know?




i hate it when i hear about how the singaporeans seem more concerned about me bringing the stupid swine flu back to singapore from melbourne, then having me back.
how fantastic.
maybe i shouldn't go back.
or maybe i should, then pass on the dreaded "flu" to the whole of singapore, and prove to them that it's a pathetic crappy medical situation that is not even half as serious as the regular winter flu.
it's pathetic, the level of kiasi-ness my home country shows.
it's bloody winter here, obviously people will be sick.
it's so cold that INSIDE the house, it's 10 degrees celcius in the morning.
and outside, it's not even 5 degrees celcius when i get up and get out to go to work.
oh and news flash, i've been sick for 2 days now. at home on MC.
and i'll be back on saturday night in singapore.
so take that singapore.
hah!

i'm pissy today.
birthdays are traditionally shitty times... especially mine.
so whatever.

We're coming back!

NEWS FLASH: We’re coming back to Singapore this Saturday.

This will be for 1 week, arriving in SIN around 11.45pm on Saturday, 13 June.

We’ll be leaving again on 20 June, Saturday morning.

Main purpose was to visit baby’s mum, to make sure she’s alright at home and all that.

But it seems like maybe I’m changing my trip purpose to gorging my face full of local food.

And to deal with my hair again :)

And people, please be reminded that I’ve cancelled my SG handphone line already, so don’t try contacting me on it ok?

I’ll go get a pre-paid card when I get back, then sms my new number to you guys who matter.

Ok?

Those of you with Jude’s handphone number can contact me there too :)

I can’t wait to go back!

Only thing I’m worried about is that the kiasi Singapore government will put us in quarantine just because we’re coming from Victoria.

ugh

That’ll be the biggest pain in the ass cos we’ll be back for 1 week, and I don’t wanna spend the WHOLE time in quarantine.

Not fun.

shit.

Can only hope lar.

Be back soon!

22nd May 2009, Friday

It seems I've neglected my diary again. Sorry :(

It's been one hell of a month - Jude's friends came to stay for a few days while they were in melbourne, then our landlord came to stay with his daughters, then jude's mum came to stay for 1 week, giving us just 1 day's notice.

Mother in law was supposed to come from the 1st to 10th of May, but got cancelled at the last minute because she had her leave from TTSH frozen and she had to go back to work. Thank the damn swine flu for that. So once the freeze got lifted on friday, the 8th, she decided to fly the very next day and arrived in time for mother's day, 10th May. She left this monday, and finally, we can take a breather. It has really been an insane month. As such, I've felt like I've neglectd everything else in my life, including my loyal diary.

May has come and almost gone, seeing as it's already the 22nd. The dreaded day is approaching, and I can feel the pressure of it sitting solidly in my chest. Will the day of redemption come soon for me? I know I have no one to blame, not even myself. But how can anyone detach themselves from the reality of it? Of what has gone down? I don't think there'll ever come a day where I'll stop yearning. Jealousy gets the better of me some days, and disturbs my sleep. I know it's pretty ridiculous, but I'll give anything for it to happen. One day... soon...

On a lighter note, I have received my official acceptance letter to Monash University! I've been offered my first choice program of a double degree - Bachelor of Arts (Communication) / Bachelor of Business and Commerce. I'll be starting this July semester, and it'll take me about 7.5 years to complete this course part-time, off-campus. It's a long long time I know, but I'm confident of getting there. It won't be easy, especially with all the other commitments that will come my way, but we'll work it all out. Work will continue as per normal, and I will still hold on to my dream of becoming an early childhood educator one day. Good things come to those who wait right? :) Right now, I'm just really happy that I got accepted, and even though I only got credit exemptions for 2 units, it's still ok. I whinged about having to study business statistics, organizational behavior and principles of marketing all over again, but I guess it's not that bad. I'll get there :)

Congratulations to my darling sister Chloe, who is the proud recipient of this year's Capitaland All Rounder Award in TP, and also the silver medallist in her diploma :) My goodness, she really inherited all the brains huh? :) Really really proud of her, and so so excited for her. She's worked her ass off and slogged with her heart and soul for this, and I don't think I could have found anyone who deserved it more than her. Hopefully this would pave the way for NUS to finally give her an answer for her scholarship application, and she'll be able to start uni without worrying about all the things freshies worry about - tuition fees, transport costs, textbook costs, etc.

And Chantal! I miss you and congrats on the wonderful vball season you had! I'm sure this has erased all your doubts about whether you made the right choice to go to VJC :) Treasure these experiences, and study hard :)

As for me, I'm gearing up to finally receive my study materials for school, so that I can start my self-study for the semester. First enrolled units? Business Law and Business Statistics. Boo. Boring as hell, but I'm just really really glad that I'm finalyl getting the opportunity to study :) Next semester, it'll be Marketing Theory and Practice & Basics of Accounting and Finance. Hah! Talk about revisiting the already known. Oh well. Small price to pay for waiting so long to study after the diploma, and worth it, considering I've got the most wonderful partner standing by me today.

Speaking of my wonderful partner, I really wanna say this again - I love him, and the love I feel for him grows every single day. It's like a light that never stops burning, one that grows from strength to strength. I'm eternally grateful that he has chosen me, to spend the rest of his life with. And I'm forever thankful for being gifted with the most caring, loving and kind-hearted soul to spend the rest of my life with. The future holds much for us, and though most of it is unknown, I feel safe and secure in the knowledge that I won't be alone on the road, that I have him to be the rock in my life. It's the most magical feeling. You have no idea how intense that feeling of warmth and glow of happiness is, when we sit down and discuss about our future, with my head on your shoulders and my feet entwined with yours. When we talk about what kind of house we wanna own for ourselves, when we talk about how we're gonna raise our kids in future, when we talk about us and when we talk about anything and everything in the world. Especially when you say "Next time our kids..." It makes me smile from the depths of my heart, to know that you have chosen me to be the mother of your children, and to know that you are really looking forward to it too. And we both know it'll happen in due course :) You have been supportive, encouraging, comforting, and inspiring in your words and action, and no matter how crappy my day has been, I always seem to be able to smile with you and sleep in relative peace. I love you for all your weird habits, all your procrastination, all your snoring, all your elbowing, all your anal-ness, all your undecidedness, and all your self-perceived bad points. Because when I look at you, I see my husband, the man who loves me for all my weaknesses, and who has never let me down before. Most importantly, I see the man I love with all my heart and soul, who I can no longer imagine life without. I love you baby :)

Time to head to work, and face another day of the real life.
Can't wait for the weekend to start.

sigh. so busy that i can't even blog when i want to.
mother in law coming this friday, for 10 days.
then landlord wants to come back for a visit and live with is for another 10 days immediately after.
busy busy busy.
work's good, nothing heard from monash yet.
life's going along at snail's pace, nothing seems to be going anywhere, but i guess i'm just being short sighted.

crappy few days.
lousy mood.
shitty feelings.
but thankfully, i have a loving husband who forgives and forgets.
who knew what he was getting into and doesn't regret.
who i love with all my heart and soul.
and who loves me regardless of how much of i bitch i am.
love is in the air and i love it!
though i hate the lousy mood.
i think it's the result of being off the damn pill, which is making my hormonal system go haywire.
i can't seem to find a reason for my unhappiness half the time.
and i know it's not my relationship with my baby.
it's just... i dunno. everything else i guess.
i'm not making any sense.
oh what the hell.
why do i even bother trying to explain my own feelings, when i myself don't know.
bleah.



may is a shit month and i hate it.
i hate how it makes me feel.
i hate the memories that come with it.
i can't wait for when i have new memories to bury the painful ones with.
3 years.
sounds like a long time, but not really.
sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night, feeling the way i felt those few months.
but those momentary moments of bliss dissipates into emptiness and lots of self-loathe followed by self-comfort.
i'll always wonder i guess.
and i'll always have that desperate hope in my heart i'll hold on for as long as it takes.
everyday i pray, and everyday my heart grows heavier.
only comfort is him, who stands by me, and wipes my tears away and cries with me, and who doesn't tell me to wake up and get a grip.


i remember that day.

Easter long weekend =D
i love long weekends =)

We spent Good Friday at Grand Hyatt hotel in the city, and went to Langham Hotel for buffet dinner.
Loved every second of the day and night spent at the hotel and in the city =)
At Langham hotel, guess what?
We went in for dinner and found out that Hui Lan was working there!
Talk about surprise...
It's always nice to see a familiar face while we're in a foreign land =)
And plus, I'll be back there this Thursday with my team cos we'll be on a team outing...

Yesterday, after we checked out, we met up with Meng, who was here for 1 day with SIA.
Baby was happy =)
And why shouldn't he be right? His best friend was here and they got to hang out and catch up...
Walked around the city abit, then he came over to our house to hang out, before we sent him back to the hotel later at night...

In 2 weeks, another of baby's friend will be coming over to Melbourne for about 2 weeks with her bf, and they'll be staying with us.
then somewhere in between, his mum and uncle will be here too, for 10 days.
we will have a full house again soon =)
stress, but i think baby will be happy to be able to hang out with his friend and mum =)
i hope la.
haha!

no news from Monash yet, but it's expected considering how the whole world seems to have shut down for the long weekend.
hopefully within the next 2 weeks i'll hear from them =)

we've booked our flight tickets to go back to singaporE!!!!!
21 October - 31 October.
mostly because baby's good friend is getting married on 24 and 25 oct.
his birthday is on 28 oct, so it'll be nice for him to be able to celebrate his birthday in singapore with family and friends =)
Its a pity that we can't go back for longer, but can't be helped cos we both can't take much time off from work =(
but it's better than nothing la...
wanted to wait for christmas season, but i'm not allowed to take leave from work during that period, so it'll have to be earlier...
and we've got our air tickets now, because SIA is having sale!
we saved about 1300 AUD on our air tickets - usually it'll cost us 2600 AUD to fly back, but we only paid 1300 AUD this time =)
it's a good thing, cos now we will have enough money to pay my school fees, and move house in october =)

i so miss everyone back home, and can't wait to get back to see them again =)
my buddies, my bitches, my sisters, my cousins, my brother, my family...
hope everyone's doing okay back home...
i'll repeat myself again... i wanna know what's going on with you guys!
i might not have the time to catch up with each of you regularly while i'm so far away, and for that i apologise... but keep me in the loop ok?
love you guys all!

life seems to have just begun for us.
ever since the PR got granted...
we bought ourselves our first ever set of dinnerware and silverware cutleries =)
it's an amazing feeling...
i know it doesn't seem like anything fancy, but it means alot...
for all the nearly 2 years we've been married, we've always been using things that belonged to our landlords.
nothing was ever our own.
and this feels like the first step towards our future together as a family =)
soon we'll have more... but we'll take it one step at a time...

and we're saving a little bit of money as well, cos meng has very very kindly and generously offered to let me have his PC laptop, because i mentioned that we're needing to buy one soon =)
he's got himself a macbook, so he doesn't really need his compaq anymore =)
it was like, the best news =)
cos we need the PC laptop mainly just to file our taxes come september (because the stupid software from the australian tax office is not mac compatible), and for me to do simple research and word processing when i start studying.
so we didn't really wanna spend much on it, cos it's not really what we want. it's just something we need...
oh well.
hopefully, this means that soon i'll be able to afford a macbook for studying instead =)
thank you meng! you have no idea how much this would help =)

did i mention before that i love being married to jude?
well, maybe i have.
but i'll say it again... i love being married to jude =)
i'm still grateful every morning when i wake up and see him next to me =)
well, except for those days when he annoys me. =p

life in melbourne is good so far...
though i still wish that we've got more food options available to us.
i haven't had decent jap food or hawker food like laksa in like, forever!
i miss proper food.
sigh.
oh well.
can't wait to go back to singapore to eat eat and eat!

i'm glad i got a job.
it may not be totally 100% recession proof, i still am eternally grateful that i got this job.
i have a greater appreciation of the value of working hard now.
and a huge huge appreciation for my manager, for choosing to hire me over the hundreds of other applications they received =)
it's all doom and gloom all around now, and it's hard not to appreciate what we've got.
i'm just glad we've got a roof over our heads and jobs that pay us =)
although baby stresses about the uncertainty of his sessional position, i'm just glad he has a job, no matter how much it is.
i know that one day, things will work out for us somehow, as they have so far =)
and i know that even if he loses this one, i have absolute faith that he'll be able to pick himself up and get a new one.
and even if he doesn't, we'll be okay =)

i can't wait for next year to come, and baby knows why ;)

i did the most stupidest thing today.

guess what?
i tried to put a cup of soft drink from kfc into my handbag, so that i can sneak it into the cinema to watch movie.
the moment i put it in, the cap came off and the 7up inside spilled into my handbag.
=(
my mischa barton!
i was so damn depressed la.
thank goodness my phone and my guess wallet was fine.
but still!
sighhhh.
and baby saw that i was so depressed, so he dragged me to the shopping mall after the movie to buy another handbag.
i resisted like hell cos i felt so damn bloody guilty for wasting money like that.
but he insisted.
so he dragged me there and made me pick another handbag.
and obviously, it was another mischa =)
this time, a brown one that's slightly bigger than the sticky, 7up-y one.
sigh.
i still feel so bad...
we are desperately trying to save up money for more important stuff, and now i have to screw it up by spending 150 bucks on a new handbag.
sigh.
but i'm also happy that i got a new handbag la.
i felt like i was mourning a loved one when i was made to put the old one into the bin.
sigh sigh sigh.
now i'll have to give up buying a new pair of knee-high boots, and just get my winter jacket and a couple more winter worthy work clothes.
sigh.
you gain some you lose some i guess.

oh well.

i feel like the dumbest stupidest most retarded person on earth.
argh.

Quick post =)

Family came and gone.. had a fun but hectic week =)
Thanks mummy, for bringing all of you here to me.
I hope you guys enjoyed yourself, and now that you've seen the life we've built for ourselves here, hopefully you can rest assured about me being away from home =)

As soon as they left, I came down with a massive flu bug.
unitl now.
so miserable.
oh well.

The biggest news!
We are officially Australian Permanent Residents!
As of March 24th 2009 =)
So exciting!
Now we can move on with our lives, and take things to the next stage.

This afternoon, I submitted my online application with Monash University.
Applying for a double degree program in Arts and Business & Commerce =)
But I'm doubtful of getting that as my first choice, because apparently there is no intake for this course in 2009, but I can hope =)
Second choice is Bachelor of Business and Commerce.
First choice will take me 8 years to complete, second choice 6 years.
haha!
only cos I'm doing it part-time and off-campus.
But it doesn't matter, as long as I get it ultimately =)
Stupidest thing is that I'm not sure if I can get my credit transfers or not, because apparently it's only valid for 2 years, and it's been 4 years since I took my level one subjects in poly.
bleah.
and they are asking for course outline, total teaching hours, course objectives, blah blah blah, which I throw out after every exam!
grrr.
annoying.
now i can only wait and see what they say.
if i have to do principles of management, microecons, macroecons and OB again, I'll pull my hair out.
but i'll still have to do it if I have to do it right?
we do what we need to do =)

more updates coming soon...
sorry again for not being more active here... busy busy!

sorry folks! been crazy busy with work and family here to visit.
promise to update real soon!
next week next week. i promise!

dear friends, sorry for being non-existent for so long... i'll make it up to you guys!

one night.
separation anxiety.
worry wart explodes.
miss you.
stupid malaysia high comm.
house too big.
too quiet.
crave your touch.
love you.

job's great.
love it.
enjoying every learning moment.
relishing the challenges.
looking forward to more growth in my career.

wanna study.
study without lectures and tutorials.
off-campus study with monash.
fulfill my aspirations.
earn money at the same time.
can't wait.
double degree maybe.
got his support.
can self study.
will succeed.
no doubts.

no more pills.
time to be careful.
time to plan.
time to embrace nature's gifts when given.
there's something fertile in the Hobson's water.
according to lots of colleagues.
5 babies born in 1 year.
freaky.
hmm.
i hope not.
not yet anyway.

time to move house.
sick and tired.
annoying landlords.
lousy.
shittified.

need to make my life more worthwhile.
soon soon.
stupid PR.
need it sooner.

don't like the trains.
but no choice.
tired.
but will get better.

miss you.
lots and lots.
heart aches.
i know.
only one day.
but still.
worried.
pining.
love you so much.
love love love.
my baby.

I think this is a necesasry post, to assure all of you who are worried about our safety...

We're okay =)
The nearest bushfire from us is about 50 - 80 kms away, and the wind has changed directions to direct it further away from us.
Don't worry =)
But it touched my heart to hear from those of you who got worried... thank you... we're okay =)

That's not really the case for hundred and thousands of people out there in country Victoria though.
more than 110 people have perished over the weekend in the fires.
and the death toll is sure to rise, some predict to be over 170.
it's the worse ever fire-related natural disaster in the history of the nation.
entire townships have been razed to the ground, left with nothing but the concrete slab under the houses that used to stand.
parents lost their babies, wives lost their husbands, brothers lost their sisters, kids orphaned.
it's not something you're prepared for...
you always think it happens to everyone else but me... and it's not true.
this is so close to home that it drives home the fire-ready and fire-safety message.
watching the news reports broke my heart a little.
the forlorn look on a distraught father, who lost his 2 little girls and beloved wife in the fire.
the upset prime minister choking on his words.
the devastation of the fire, strewn across more than 200,000 hectares of land around melbourne.
the fiery spirit of the fire department, still fighting to control wild blazes across the state.
it's so incredibly sad...
what's sadder, is the fact that some of those fires are probably lit by arsonists.
as the prime minister says, it's mass murder.
i teared, for the people who lost their lives prematurely, for the people who lost their loved ones, for the people who need to gather every last ounce of hope and rebuild their lives from scratch.

the fires broke out on mid-day, saturday.
what caused it?
temperatures of between 47 to 55 degrees celcius, and gale force winds of over 100km/h.
we escaped to the cinemas in the morning, before the top temp hit.
when we came out of the cinema, all we felt was a scorching heat burning down on us.
the sun was unforgiving.
the heat was stifling.
the wind was threatening to blow everything down.
when we got to our car which was parked in the open, touching the car felt like touching a burning oven.
if last week was us being in a fan-forced oven, saturday was us being in hell.
it was literally hell on earth.
outside, it was like a dead town because no one in their right minds were out in the sun.
the sky was an ominous shade of grey, but they were no storm clouds... they were the result of huge blazes that have erupted right across the state.
if you haven't been out there in heat like this, you cannot even begin to imagine it...
it's like the sun is burning your skin, and the wind is cooking your flesh.
i don't even know what words i can use to describe it.
the effects of that dark dark saturday wasn't really felt until late yesterday and today.
we had no idea what was going on around us, until the news broke, and things just got worse.
thankfully, it lasted only one day, and by sunday morning, it was a cool 22 degrees again, as it would hover around for the next one week at least.

i never thought i would find myself so close to a large-scale natural disaster like this one.
and i guess it won't be my last.
we have been thinking about equipping the house with a fire-safety kit, including fire extinguisher, fire blankets and stuff like that.
and now, i think we've been given the biggest shove we'd need to get that in place.
although if something like that happens to us, i don't think it'll do anything to help, and we would just end up running away as fast as we can.
but just in case, right?

life is so short, and i applaud those who were interviewed in the disaster relief centres, and said "houses can be rebuilt, things can be replaced. but i'm just thankful my family is all safe, cos they can't be replaced no matter what"
in the face of tragedy, true human nature and courage comes to the surface.
in the light of tragedy like this, people finally start to comprehend the fact that material things are just what they are, material. if they were important before, they're not anymore.
family, people you love, friends, your health, your vitality... that's all you really need to get back onto your feet.
everything will be alright at the end of the day, if you can find courage and strength in the people you love around you, who need you, and look up to you for direction.
it's a sobering thing, it really is.



some good news after all that darkness...
i got offered a job =)
a company called Hobsons Australia (www.hobsons.com.au)
they are a global company, owned by the Daily Mail in UK.
My position title will be Made Offer Account Manager, where I basically work with students who have been offered places in Australian unis, and to encourage them to enrol, to help them with their concerns and give them reassurance.
the company works with the local unis, in recruiting and handling enquiries from international students.
i'm extremely fortunate, because they have decided to put their trust in me, and gave me the job, despite the fact that i've never even been to uni, and this position is such a leap up for me in terms of job position.
it pays really well too, better than messages on hold before.
considering how the economy is going, and how many people have lost their jobs, i really am thankful.
i mean, compared to alot of people here, i'm not earning much really...
but at my level, with my limited experience, i feel as though i don't really deserve being paid that much.
but then again, i really need the money for studies and house and all kinds of stuff that comes with starting a family, so i'm not gonna complain.
i'm not going in with lots of expectations in the job, just expectations on myself not to disappoint, and not to waste this opportunity.
if things go well here, our plans may change accordingly, so we'll see.
i'm starting work on wednesday, at 9am, so wish me luck =)
baby will send me to work and back on weds and thurs when he works in the afternoon.
mon, tues, and fri, i'll have to take the train.
so i'm kinda freaking out about that... but baby will help me so hopefully it'll be okay =)

today, i spent the day baking cupcakes.
not very fantastic, but nice enough to eat =)
the icing was difficult, but after spending quite some time on it, i sorta made it work for me.
haha!

later i'll be cooking chicken curry for baby =)

we got our latest PR application update from immigration...
need to get police clearances from all the countries we've lived in before.
so i need it from singapore, baby need to get from singapore, malaysia and the FBI.
damn lay chey sia.
especially the malaysia one... apparently he needs to go to the malaysian high commission in canberra to get his papers certified in person.
like, ok.
what the hell.
we got a deadline to provide those documents to immigration... by 28 feb. it's daunting...
i hope we won't end up missing it cos of all the time we're taking to get all the necessary documents ready.
also because singapore got a 2 week turnaround time, FBI got up to 28 days, and M'sia i don't know.
sigh.
super stressed ah.

and baby is so stressed out also, that i can't put my stress on him, so i've gotta keep saying that it's okay and that we'll work things out and it'll be okay.
even when sometimes i don't believe it myself.
sigh.
but what else can i do?
let the stress get to us and let the water boil over?
cannot right?
sigh.
let's just hope that the more i say it the more i'll believe it and the more it'll come true.
everything will work out fine.